God Things: Getting over my fears

I was in a women’s bible study (LifeGroup), which I’ve mentioned several times on this blog, for about 5 years.  After having two kids and being in a couples bible study with our current church and my womens study, plus the other extracurriculars of life, I had to give on something and the women’s study was what I dropped.  I love those women and I learned so much from those women and the studies we did together, but I had to focus on Dean and I as a married couple and also wanted to integrate into our current church with a couples group (the Lifegroup was through my old church).  It gave us something for us to focus on together spiritually.  After a year, our couples group ended, I had a really hard time keeping consistent in my quiet time. It would go up and down – weeks on, months off, is what it seemed like.  I needed something to keep me in God’s word and just couldn’t get it together.

Finally in January 2013, I decided I was going to focus on consistency for the year.  January was a good time to make ‘resolutions’ and goals for myself and I wanted to come away with a strong year growing in my personal spirituality.  So I started having regular quiet times – not every day but 4-5 times a week – which was a lot compared to what I’d been doing.  And my Walk felt good, it felt consistent.  I started journaling while I studied.  Then I had a revelation at the end of February.  During my prayer one afternoon, I decided that instead of my usual, “God I want, God I need, please do this and that…” I was going to just be quiet and listen to Him.  I’d never really done this before – the complete silence and listen to Him – and after a few minutes, God started talking to me and I started just scribbling down what he said.

“Start a womens bible study.  Do a one book study. Pray about the book that I want you to do.  Invite everyone, this not just for Elevation ladies, but anyone you know. Reach out to those who don’t know me.  Start in Mar/April.  Do an 8-week study.”

and then the last thing He said…
“Don’t chicken out and not do this.  Put it on your heart. Do it.” (And I underlined and drew a huge star next to the last ones!)

And I’m not going to lie, after this prayer, I didn’t pick up my bible again for 5 days.  I was scared. I didn’t want to lead a bible study.  While I don’t mind being an active participant in the bible studies that I’ve been in, I also don’t like the stress and pressure of “being God’s instrument” – feeling like I have to know the answers to questions that come up, committing the time to do it.  When I represent God, I want to do it well, and I didn’t think I had it in me.  And then WHAT IF I had the faith to start the study – what would He call me to do next.  That freaked me out even more.  If I trusted Him with the little things in my life, would He eventually throw something bigger my way?!

So for the next weeks, the thought of starting a study consumed me. God would send me reminders all of the time – driving down the road and a certain song would bring a reminder, seeing a book pop out on the shelves at Target about obedience to God, etc. And I tried to push them out of my head at first, but slowly I started to come around.  He started giving me the reassurances I needed – “it’s ok if you don’t know the answers Ginger, I know them.”  “You invite the people, I’ll reveal the book you’ll study.”

Finally on April 11th, I sent an email out to a bunch of friends and acquaintances and the study was born.  We’re doing Lysa TurKeurst’s book – Unglued – and so far it’s been just amazing for me to do.  Especially at this time in my life (i.e. with small kids, a hectic schedule and a busy husband), where I’ve noticed that I become unglued more than I ever have in life.

I know that, without a doubt, the timing of this study, the topic of this study, the people who surround me – this is something I needed to hear and put into my life.  It’s a God thing.

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2 comments

  1. You Go Girl… When I talk to my wife about things that she is going through I have to remind her that “God’s Got This!!! You’ve got to let go and let God…” You’ll find strength you never knew you had.

    And Yes, It’s A God Thing…

    God Bless and We Will be Praying for You & your studies… If ya’ll have any specific prayers you can post them for us to pray about on our Prayer Needs Page.

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