I had a recent revelation about my faith (or lack of faith) when it comes to trusting God. It’s funny – in recent years I’ve seen my faith grow as God has provided again and again in my life.
However I’ve recently noticed there are some areas of my life that I can so easily give it to God and others I’m just not trusting Him. For example, I love to give to others and the church – I more than trust God to provide the means, finances, etc in my life, and when I give it away, I know He’s going to provide what I need.
And because I trust Him in this – and many other areas of my life – I’ve always kinda felt that I’m ‘on track’. That I’m His trusting child.
But then I had an epiphany.
While Dean and I don’t want to have any more kids, we also haven’t done anything “permanent” to take care of it. And while I want to do it, I haven’t pushed hard for it because in the back of my head, I always think – ‘if something happened to one of my kids, I want to be able to have another one.’
I don’t want my either of my children to grow up as an only child because Dean and I both LOVED having siblings growing up and want our kids to experience the same.
And it hit me, I was holding this “free pass” by not moving forward with anything permanent because I wasn’t really trusting God with our family plan. Who knows what is in store for us? Yes, as absolutely devastating as it would be, something may happen to one of my children. But why am I sitting here trying to control the cards, when these aren’t my cards to control.
Dean and I want two kids. God provided us with two awesome kids. Why should I sit around worrying about the “what if’s” when God has the final say in what happens in our life? Trust me, I know that no matter what “permanent” solution we do, if God wanted us to have a 3rd, he/she would arrive – God has his way to make things happen. His plans will always trump my plans.
I’ve come to realize that while I trust God to provide in some areas of my life, there are other areas that I’m not letting Him take the lead. It’s like a drivers ed car – He’s in the drivers seat, but I have my hand on the extra wheel and brake on my side of the car and if something gets a little off course, I can “self correct”.
I want to grow my faith by trusting God in all areas of my life, not just the areas that are easy to give to Him, but the ones that I want to hold onto the most.