Life is funny sometimes. It’s funny when you feel contradicting feelings. It’s odd to be in two very different mindsets at the same time.
Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot of blessing and a lot of overwhelmed. Odd, isn’t it. Two very different feelings but at the same time.
I know I’m blessed. And I feel blessed. I have a husband who is so great to me and so great for me. I have two super duper awesome kids who are strong and healthy and smart and so fun. I live in a great town and am close to family that I get to see so often. I have in-laws who really support our family and kids and do so much for us. I have a job that I really enjoy doing with coworkers I like to be around. I have a body that can run and move and is healthy. I am plugged in to a great church with good bible studies. I have great friends that I can lean on and who always have my back. I get to do fun things like take vacations and update our house because we have been blessed with financial margin. We have a fun social circle and great people in our lives. Yes, we are so blessed.
At the same time, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed with how much there is to do all the time. The laundry that never ends and the little mouths to feed and wipe… and feed and wipe. I am overwhelmed with how much I feel I could be doing better – reading the bible, exercising, reading self-help books (like parenting or being a better wife). The house feels so unfinished – we’ve been there for almost a year and are just now touching some of the rooms.
And there are always so many things to do and invitations for fun. I have a love/hate relationship with my weekends where I have 19 items on the agenda and they all have to get done. The parties, the errands, the chores. It always seems to be go. go. go. It’s hard when I cross 3 things off my list but 7 more replace them. There are some weeks at work when there is so much to be done and so many things happening at the same time and I think – how can this all possibly get done? And then I realize, just like everything else, it happens one thing at a time. And the thing for me to realize is that my to do list will never be done. There are always things I’ll need to do.
When I look at the silver lining, it’s a blessing that I get to do things on my to-do list. That I have time to make crafts or go to birthday parties with my kids. I am blessed for a job that keeps me busy and engaged. I get to spend time running errands instead of being stuck in bed like some people are. Sometimes I have to remind myself that all the things that cause me to be overwhelmed can also be looked at as a blessing. A lovely house that requires upkeep. Crafts that I can afford to do. Social circles for Dean and I (and our kids) that we get to be part of. Family to spend time with. And little boys that I have the blessing of feeding and bathing and providing for.
Yes, it is overwhelming to be as blessed as I am.