Becoming a mom didn’t make me a better person.

I think when you are pregnant with your first child, you often have grand thoughts of how perfect parenting will be.  You’ll be a great mom. Your child will be an angel.  You won’t be like those moms you see flailing about at the park trying to track down their disobedient kids or yelling in anger.

I don’t know why I thought it would be that way. I don’t know why I thought parenting (or even becoming a wife, for that matter) would change me into this better person. It didn’t.

I still struggle with all the same struggles I had pre-kids (and pre-husband).  They didn’t just magically disappear!

I’m still selfish.  I struggle regularly with giving my kids the mom they need while also getting in Ginger-time – whether it’s reading a magazine, watching a favorite tv show or going for a run without feeling the guilt of leaving them.

I’m still impatient.  I’ve been impatient my whole life and I don’t know why I thought having kids would help me in this area. In fact, it’s made it worse. Try getting two rambunctious kids out the door on a deadline in the mornings and you’ll see my patience level go from 4 to 400! Fellow moms can I get an AMEN?

I’m still needy.  I need validation and respect – especially from those closest to me. And kids don’t give any of that!  They tell you how you’re mean and not a nice mom, they aren’t pushing the praises and rah-rah’s!  I need just enough encouragement to help offset the mental beating I give myself for feeling like I’m constantly behind and trying to keep up in life. I’m needy!

I’m still me.  Flaws and all.  The same person I was before I added a family.  Sometimes I have to remember that hitting a milestone or adding a dependent doesn’t change who I am, only I can work on these areas of my life.  Only I can be responsible for who I am.

 

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One comment

  1. Well I think you are a pretty awesome kid! I have see how you have developed as a mom and wife and think you are doing a good job. No one is perfect but I see how you strive to do the best you can and recognize that you have and will fall short. Dean and the boys are lucky to have you in their lives.

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